S ay what you will about the rule of six: at least it was easy to keep up with everyone. Now that most restrictions in the UK have been lifted, we might not only be catching up with acquaintances we have not seen for well over a year, but meeting new people â and our brains might be struggling to keep up. Here are 10 tips for priming your mind.
Set out with the attitude that you will remember, says Rebecca Lockwood, a neurolinguistic programming (NLP) and positive psychology trainer based in Yorkshire. âI used to be that person whoâd say: âIâm sorry, Iâm really bad with namesâ â then I realised that I was constantly communicating with myself to say: âI cannot do this.ââ
In addition, telling someone you wonât remember their name suggests to them that you donât think they are significant. âTell yourself: âIâm really good at remembering names,ââ says Lockwood. âIt really is as simple as that.â
In general, the ease with which you remember people is a reflection of the rapport you feel with them, says Lockwood: âThese connections are stronger, which will help you remember other people â but also help other people remember you.â You can support this by seeking conversational common ground, or even subtly mirroring some of their body movements.
âItâs all right thinking: âI want to remember things about so-and-so,â but what will support that is you helping them to feel comfortable,â says Lockwood. âThen youâll naturally remember, because the energy and excitement around the conversation will be heightened.â
Using someoneâs name in conversation with them, to commit it to memory and to put them at ease, is a known trick of politicians. The risk is that you can overdo it. But, subtly done, saying someoneâs name aloud not only reiterates it to yourself, but also bolsters the connection between you and the person to whom you are speaking, says Lockwood. This in itself is likely to support your memory.
Mark Channon, a brain performance coach and a former âGrand Master of Memoryâ, teaches a technique known as âprimingâ, where âthe exposure to one stimulus influences the response to another stimulusâ. This supports you to direct your attention unconsciously. âThe technique is really simple: youâve just got to get into the habit of asking good questions,â he says. âIf the brain thinks something is important or interesting, it will naturally pay attention to it.â
You might even lay the groundwork by wondering, ahead of time, what might be interesting about the other person, or what you want to find out about them, so that you are especially attuned during the conversation. This works well for remembering what you read in books, too, says Channon. âAsk yourself: âWhat could this book give me?â Take a guess.â
Coming up with a rhyme, pun, story or alliterative nickname can help underscore someoneâs name in your brain. Alternatively, you could try to link their first name to a feature of their appearance, or to their surname.
When Fiona Dalziel, a Girlguiding leader and trainer, meets someone new, she tries to make a connection between their name and something they do, or where she met them. In Dalzielâs mind, an editor named Sarah Smith might become âSarah the word Smithâ. Sam Green could lead to âI donât like Green eggs and Samâ, as in the Dr Seuss book. âThe play on words and stories really helps,â says Dalziel.
Just as you might find it easier to remember faces than names, picturing something activates your memory in a different way than simply saying it.
If you meet a Mark, imagine a marker pen scribbling all over his face, suggests Channon. This works for cementing biographical details, too. âIf they work in IT, imagine them typing on a computer; if theyâve got two kids, you see them jumping up and down.â Even writing down âMarkâ, while entering his number into your phone, for instance, gives your brain another route to remember it later.
A more advanced technique that Channon teaches is creating a âmemory palaceâ â as in Sherlock Holmes. Decide on an image to represent what you are trying to remember, then picture it in a specific place, such as on an item of furniture in a room you know well. You could even mentally pin the image (such as the image of Mark the IT consultant typing at a computer) to a particular body part of the person you are talking to (Markâs arm).
âNever tell people what youâre imagining, obviously â itâs crazy stuff,â says Channon. But the combination of a picture, standing in for meaning, with a place to âkeepâ it, helps to create a mental map and organise information for later retrieval.
Over 20 years, Channon has developed a mental library for names. âOver time, you end up with a vocabulary: David is always a star, Michelle is always a missile. Itâs odd, but it works to remember people until you know them.â
Teachers lean on similar methods when getting to know a new class. Harriet Morris, a former teacher, would think of celebrities, or whatever other image she could wrench from pupilsâ names: âThe stranger, the better. For âMaribelleâ, I hold the image of marrying a bell and her being the registrar. I had no problem learning 150 names in two weeks every September.â
The worst thing you can do, when put on the spot to remember something, is to try. The brainâs prefrontal cortex, which deals with focus, reasoning and memory, starts to shut down under pressure. That is why that elusive name or detail comes to you long after it is relevant: your retention is much better when you are relaxed. âIt sounds counterproductive, but once youâre OK with forgetting, itâs way easier to remember,â says Channon.
If you are caught out having forgotten someoneâs name, itâs best just to be honest. âEveryone forgets,â says Channon. âFor me, itâs worse because I teach this stuff. I say: âYour nameâs slipped my mind, tell me what it is again and Iâll remember it this timeâ â or I make a joke about it. Weâre not robots.â